Dating Etiquette for Beginners: How to Stay Safe and Still Have Fun
Welcome to the wild world of dating! It’s like navigating a minefield blindfolded while being attacked by a swarm of butterflies․ But don’t worry, we’ve got your back! As a beginner, you’re probably wondering what the heck you’re doing․ “Is this a date or a job interview?” Relax, we’ve all been there․ Let’s get down to business and make sure you don’t become a dating disaster movie․ Here are the basics to get you started: be yourself (unless you can be a unicorn, then be a unicorn), be respectful, and for goodness’ sake, don’t be a creeper!
- Keep it light and fun
- Listen more than you talk
- Don’t overdo it on the drinks (you want to remember the date, not just the hangover)
As the great philosopher, Dolly Parton, once said, “If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain․” So, buckle up, and let’s dive into the world of dating with a smile (and a healthy dose of humor)!
The Thrill of Dating (and the Terror)
Dating is like a rollercoaster ride ─ it’s exhilarating, unpredictable, and sometimes makes you scream “What have I gotten myself into?!”․ But hey, that’s all part of the fun, right? The thrill of meeting someone new, the excitement of not knowing what’s going to happen next, and the terror of possibly getting rejected or worse, being stuck on a date with someone who talks about their ex the whole time․ As comedian, Maria Bamford, once joked, “Dating is like playing a game of Jenga; You start with a solid foundation, and then you take turns removing pieces until it all comes crashing down․”
But seriously, the thrill of dating is real, and it’s what makes it all worth it․ So, take a deep breath, put on your best “I’m a functioning adult” face, and get ready to dive into the wild world of dating․ Just remember, “it’s not you, it’s me” is just a nice way of saying “I’m not interested, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings”․ Wink-wink!
“The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams․” ─ Oprah Winfrey (or in this case, go on a date and not totally embarrass yourself)
Online Dating Safety: Don’t be a Catfish’s Prey
Online dating ─ where the only thing more abundant than potential matches is the number of catfishing scammers trying to reel you in․ Don’t be the fish that gets hooked! As the saying goes, “You can’t swipe right on common sense, but you can try․” When navigating the wild waters of online dating, keep your wits about you and remember: if a profile seems too good (or bad) to be true, it probably is․
- Don’t share personal info with someone you’ve never met (no, your address is not a fun fact)
- Be cautious of profiles with zero photos or too many shirtless selfies
- Don’t send money to someone you’ve only met online (it’s not a “investment opportunity”, trust us)
As the great philosopher, Ferris Bueller, once said, “Life moves pretty fast․ If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it․” Or, you know, you could end up on a date with a 45-year-old man who claims to be a 25-year-old model․ So, stay vigilant, and don’t let the catfish get away with it!
First Date Etiquette: Don’t be a Dater-zilla
The first date ー a thrilling adventure that’s equal parts excitement and terror․ Will they show up? Will you make a good impression? Will you accidentally spill coffee all over your shirt? The possibilities are endless! To avoid becoming a Dater-zilla, remember to keep things simple and sane․
- Arrive on time (or a little early, but not too early ー you don’t want to be that person)
- Put your phone on silent (no, you don’t need to Instagram your date’s shoes)
- Be yourself (unless you can be a charming, witty, and handsome version of yourself ─ then be that)
As the saying goes, “You can’t make a good first impression twice․” So, make it count! And if all else fails, just remember that a good sense of humor can get you out of (or into) just about any situation․ So, be funny, be charming, and for goodness’ sake, don’t be boring!
Safe Dating Practices: Trust Your Instincts
Your instincts are like that little voice in your head that says, “Run, don’t walk, away from this person!” Listen to it! It’s like having a personal dating ninja ー swift, silent, and deadly (just kidding, it’s just your instincts)․ Seriously, if something feels off, it probably is․ Don’t be afraid to trust your gut and make a quick exit․
- Tell a friend where you’re going (and who you’re with ─ don’t make them play detective)
- Keep your phone charged (and not just for the Tinder selfies)
- Meet in a public place (no, your creepy basement apartment doesn’t count)
As the great philosopher, Homer Simpson, once said, “Mmm․․․ instincts․ Trust your instincts․ Unless they’re telling you to eat more donuts․ Then don’t․” Okay, maybe that’s not exactly what he said, but you get the idea! Trust your instincts, and you’ll be sipping margaritas on the beach in no time (or at least, you’ll make it out of the date alive)․
Dating Dos and Don’ts: The CliffsNotes Version
Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of dating ー the dos and don’ts․ Think of it as a cheat sheet to not totally messing things up (no promises, though)․ Here’s the CliffsNotes version:
- DO: Be on time (or at least, send a “running late” text ー it’s like a get-out-of-jail-free card)
- DON’T: Talk about your ex (it’s like showing your vacation photos from 5 years ago ー no one cares)
- DO: Ask questions (but not the ones that make you sound like a CIA interrogator)
- DON’T: Overdo it on the drinks (you want to remember the date, not just the funny stories you’ll tell later)
As comedian, Steve Martin, once said, “Some people have a way with women, and other people have a way with men․ And some people․․․ well, they’re just lucky․” So, follow these simple dos and don’ts, and you’ll be well on your way to not being “that person” on a date․ Maybe․
Fun and Safe Dating: The Ultimate Goal
Congratulations, you’ve made it to the final stretch! You’ve learned the basics, avoided being a creeper, and survived the dos and don’ts․ Now, it’s time to have fun and stay safe ─ the ultimate dating goal․ Think of it as a delicate balancing act, like walking a tightrope while juggling chainsaws (just kidding, don’t try that at home)․
To achieve this feat, remember to:
- Trust your instincts (if something feels off, it probably is ー unless you’re just being paranoid, then it’s fine)
- Be open-minded (but not too open-minded, you don’t want to end up on a reality TV show)
- Laugh often (laughter is the best medicine, unless you have health insurance, then just go see a doctor)
As the great philosopher, Ferris Bueller, once said, “Life moves pretty fast․ If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it․” So, take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy the ride․ And if all else fails, just remember: it’s just a date (unless it’s a second date, then it’s a serious commitment)․
I loved this article! Who knew dating could be so much like a bad circus act? “Navigating a minefield blindfolded while being attacked by a swarm of butterflies” is basically my dating history
As Dolly Parton said, “If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” I just wish someone told me that before I got stuck on a 3-hour date with a guy who only talked about his cat
Maria Bamford’s Jenga joke is everything! Dating is like playing Jenga, except instead of blocks, you’re removing pieces of your dignity
I’m definitely going to follow the advice to “keep it light and fun” and “not overdo it on the drinks.” Unless it’s a really bad date, in which case, I’ll just drink away my sorrows
I laughed out loud when I read “don’t be a creeper!” I mean, who hasn’t been a little creepy on a date? Just me? Okay, maybe just me